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How do I find myself again?

I was invited to a Wellness Session in Turkey to talk on How to Rebuild your Identity. It’s something we should all be aware of and so I’m sharing this with my HLB family.

We were away from the hustle and bustle, a group of women at different stages of motherhood, connecting and sharing ways to empower ourselves and bring our feminine energy to a calm and powerful place. The warm turkish breeze, the beautiful scenery, assisted us in our relaxed and cool meditation.

Our affirmation

“I am loved. I am becoming the person I want to be.”

Amongst the group some had been in long and short term relationships, single mums, some working mum the theme across the group was that they had all dedicated their lives to their children and lost a sense of who they are. They had lost their identity.

I’ve lost my identity - How do I find myself again?

They struggled while mummying to carve out time for themselves. My goal when speaking to them about identity was to highlight what it is and how they can reclaim it. To return to yourself you have to rediscover yourself!

What is Your Identity - Who am I?

Identity evolves over time. It's one of those things that grows as we grow. It's something we create in partnership with our inner self and our experiences, this helps to form who we are. A disconnect happens when you don't feel like the person you used to be.

When we have become disconnected from the identity that we've created, we experience a sense of loss. According to psychotherapist Shannon V. McHugh, there are 6 red flags:

1 Almost changing oneself to fit in with other people's expectations

2 No me time

3 A loss of passion for the things that you used to value

4 Constantly seeking approval from others

5 Your selfcare is minimal

6 You have a lot of negative self talk.

Identity Deprivation - Be Aware….it can happen to any of us

Identity deprivation is loss of vitality, voice, power, purpose and freedom. Women from all walks of life regardless of wealth or culture can experience identity deprivation. It's normal for your identity to change as we go through life. However, when there is identity deprivation, SelfCare is often the first thing to go. A person feels stressed when they feel overwhelmed, overrun and invisible. They feel devalued and this causes her to neglect herself. It is important to prioritise your physical, mental and spiritual health.

“Listen to your body”

SelfCare and Self Identity - I want to feel better about myself

Selfcare is our Superpower - if we lose that, then we are really going to struggle. If it’s not a priority you lose your Superpower. It is therefore essential that we learn how to listen, love and like ourselves.

Three key steps to discovering your identity.

Accept yourself,

Be gentle with yourself,

Forgive yourself,

Having a purpose empowers you and understanding what truly brings you joy is vital in order to take action.

Rebuilding Your Identity - What do I love about me?

These are some of the questions I would ask clients when rebuilding.

What would you really want for yourself?

If you could change one thing - what would it be?

Think about when you are at your best and describe that person.

What is she like?

Even if it was a long time ago for example... “I used to be fun, geeky, carefree”.

Female Energy

One mum shared her story about giving up her career to become a stay-at-home mum. She was doing it for the right reasons, however, she felt she had given up a significant part of herself. In order to move forward she had to come to a place of acceptance without feeling resentful.

We held space with her to ‘just be’. There is something powerful in female connection. We have an energy which means we just get it. When we bring that energy together in one space it is incredible, healing and supportive. Rebuilding your identity can take a long time. The journey is to rediscover and rebuild who they are.


I shared some easy selfcare starting points with the group like scheduling in some ‘me time’. Start with 5 minutes and build up from there. Even if you read a magazine, plan your outfit for the next day or make yourself a cup of tea; as long as it's uninterrupted time that is respected by you and by others.

We finished the session by sharing a meal just as we had shared our lives, our experiences and our journeys. Our triumphs are a reminder that you can overcome identity deprivation, we can rebuild ourselves and that we can be our true awesome authentic self.

A SelfCare Check Up with me is FREE.

If you have experienced a loss of identity or are feeling the effects of not prioritising you, please comment below or book a free private SELFCARE CHECK UP.

There is NO COST to check in with me for female connection and a supportive space to get you started or see where you are with your SelfCare. A no obligation SelfCare Check up costs nothing and it is vital.

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